I used to be very averse to declarations of love during sex. To me, it was unnecessary and I was uninterested in the romantic type of sex that typically goes with those declarations. I wanted to just be fucked and felt an ‘I love you’ was just a bit of a juxtaposition with that situation.
In the past year or so, my feelings on that matter have now changed. I love hearing an ‘I love you’ during sex. Maybe not all the time – I mean, if every other word was ‘I love you’, it’d get annoying ha! But amongst the dirty talk, the moans, I feel there is room for those three words during passionate encounters with your beloved.
Being with my partner has changed my stance on this matter. I really do adore him… he just makes me happy :). After we had obviously got the general ‘I love you’s out of the way, it took a little bit before they started making an appearance in the bedroom. He occasionally said it, but I wasn’t really the initiator of that exchange. I do love him, but I was more focussed on the task in hand, and the way I wanted it didn’t really involve cutesy-pie romance…
Gradually over time, however, I have come to rather enjoy an ‘I love you’. I think with more sexual experiences to broaden my horizons and teach me that there are many forms of pleasure, all administered in a variety of ways, with varying atmospheres, that can all be very pleasurable, it has finally clicked in my mind that an ‘I love you’ does not have to only be restricted to typically “romantic” sex.
In all types of sex, where you kiss your partner, draw back, look into their eyes, there will be that spark of “wow, you’re amazing”, whether you’re appreciating their amazingness from the fact you love them, or what they’re doing to your body, or how they’re making you feel. Being fucked is a passionate, often frantic, affair, and acknowledging how strongly you feel for someone is indeed passionate also. An ‘I love you’ doesn’t have to be said in the nicey-nicey-aren’t-we-cute kind of way, it can be said in a heat-of-the-moment-need-you-right-now kind of way, making it completely valid in a needy sexual encounter.
We still dirty talk, we still get down to passionate acts that aren’t particularly romantic and are in fact a little rough, but we also say ‘I love you’ if we want to. I am glad I have stopped thinking about sex in unrelated styles/boxes and learned to enjoy whatever I feel in the moment. Never think you can’t do something because you feel it just “isn’t done” or whatever – just because you want a hard fuck does not mean every potential aspect of more romantic sex is banned from the bedroom during those times. Intimacy will be there in whatever sexual context with your partner and that is all that matters. What form that intimacy takes is not all that important in the end.
Take for example teasing. In one context (the more romantic one), it can be sensual and alluring and slow, making you feel like special care is being taken over your body, like you feel like your body is being swamped with love. Take another context, a more BDSM-orientated scenario (not that I am experienced in that, mind you): it is more about a power exchange, not really about feeling desired, but about your body being brought to its limits, being pushed into exquisite pleasure and tested with this teasing. I very much believe ‘I love you’ holds a similar versatility, albeit maybe not in quite the same way as my example above.
Of course, I am not saying you HAVE to say ‘I love you’ to your beloved during whatever type of intercourse you are doing. If you don’t want to, then don’t! All I am saying is, don’t let the reason you are choosing to not say it be because you feel it can only mean one thing, or will only fit with one type of thing, or feel too focussed on what you “should” be doing or saying.