So, I updated you all on my current love life situation a couple of weeks ago. I now have a further update to give: I asked for an open relationship.
A couple of weeks ago, I went out clubbing and had a heck of a lot of fun. Whilst there however, I got hit on a good few times (this was whilst I was still in a monogamous relationship). The problem was, I felt restricted throughout that experience. I wanted to go with these people, have a make-out, move along, all fun and games, but I couldn’t. Because I was in a monogamous relationship. And going with these people would have been cheating.
That night, I decided that I just couldn’t offer a monogamous relationship right now. It is an instinct that I just can’t make go away and I really do feel that honesty is the best policy. So I messaged him and straight-up said I want a physically open relationship – I don’t want to date anyone else, I am happy to be emotionally monogamous, but physically I feel restricted, and if he could not accept those terms, then I’m sorry, but we couldn’t be in a relationship.
He has reluctantly agreed to these terms, probably because I was honest and direct about it. I said we could work off “don’t ask, don’t tell”, but of course he can ask me any questions if he so wishes. The open relationship does work both ways, he can go with others if he wishes, but he isn’t actually bothered about doing.
I don’t fully know why this instinct has decided to rear its head when I had always considered myself too jealous a person to ever contemplate an open relationship. I think it perhaps has to do with how my previous relationship ended, or rather, just the fact it ended. My previous relationship to my current one was my first and I was madly in love – in fact, there will always be a little piece of my heart that will love him, that I cannot deny. It lasted for three years and I had a lot of sexual firsts in that relationship. However, I guess I never got to experience anyone else, which was fine, because I had no desire to experience anyone else at all. Now I feel like I am perhaps in a discovery stage, because whilst I like my new partner, the fact is I am not in love with him, and I just do not feel ready to give up my sexual freedoms quite yet.
As such, I have actually had a couple more firsts, albeit with other guys that are not my boyfriend, so do not feel confused if I state in a future blog post that I had a hook-up with someone – I am not gloating about cheating, I asked for the freedom to do it!
This is my current situation and I am happy with it so far, so please do not judge, or if you are skeptical, at least try to open your mind up to the possibility that monogamy is not the only valid form of relationship.