I’m Back To Being Single, But By My Own Choice

Hey guys, so this is the latest update from my love life (this was my previous update). I am now single again, mostly through my own choice I am happy to say. This post has actually been around a month in the making, I just didn’t get around to writing it sorry!

So a couple of months ago, I asked my new boyfriend at the time for an open relationship, because whilst I liked him, I felt sexually restricted, and what with it being summer and finding myself actually socialising and going out more, I wanted to let loose, having just come out of a long term relationship like a month prior to that. Now, we are no longer dating. There are a few reasons for this.

I think once the intial whirlwind had calmed down, I started to see him as more of a friend than a potential long term thing. His personality was different to that of my boyfriend before him, so it seemed exciting to try get to know a new type of guy and how a relationship with this different personality could play out. It was fun for a new experience and change, but now I know that his type isn’t my type. Not to say his type is bad! In fact, quite the opposite! He was lovely and listened and was very calm and chill. He was a bit introverted though. Which is no bad thing, I myself am more of an introvert. The problem is, is that because I am more introverted, I enjoy having someone who is more extroverted than me to push me and encourage me in terms of trying new things and opening up and talking more. With him, I was the more extroverted one. And it wasn’t a role I felt 100% happy with. In the end, I think I am more of an opposites attract kind of girl, but I am happy I had the time with him to experience that and better understand my own attraction pattern. I think it is probably best for him also, since he wasn’t really happy with the open relationship arrangement, so at least he is now free to look for someone else who can offer him what he wants better.

Another reason is that somebody else kind of came into my life. I met up with this someone else as a casual thing, because I was in an open relationship, so obviously it was fine for me to just have sex with someone else. Thing is, I’m kind of falling for him now. I know you skeptical people out there will somehow see this as proof that an open relationship cannot work. I fire back with the point that I’m not falling for this guy just because of the sex, as awesome as it was. If it was about the sex, why did I never feel any shred of anything more with the other people I hooked up with? Because the open relationship aspect was not the reason that caused me to break up with someone and start falling for someone else.

I actually started falling for him because of who he is and how he is and from talking and being friends with him. I think I would have started wanting him even if we weren’t having sex and we were just talking and I was in a monogamous relationship. He is someone who is my type. He is more extroverted, he was the pursurer and I the pursuee, he has that being-mean-and-jokey-but-flirty thing going on. He has different interests to mine, he has opened to me on a personal level and frankly I find him generally hot also. He is the opposites attract sort and I can see parallels between him and a guy I dated for three years, which I don’t think is necessarily a bad omen. I just love spending time with him in a way that I didn’t fully feel with the guy I just broke up with.

So, if I am so open to declare I like this guy, and he is so openly pursuing me, and we basically act like a couple at this point, why am I choosing to be single? Put bluntly: my logical mind has chosen for now. You see, I am newly starting university. He is at university. The catch? The two universities are not exactly close. So to pursue a relationship with him is to pursue a long distance relationship.

Considering I am JUST starting university, I think it is ill-advised to get into a new relationship so soon before starting. I want to start my university life being able to focus on myself and my workload and making friends. I also want freedom for Freshers – if we aren’t dating, I can go wild, enjoy myself, maybe do a couple of stupid things and it all be ok because I am free and single… get it out of my system if you will. He has stated more than once that he wants us to be official, but I have been plain and told him the above. He understands and says he is happy to wait. I have told him since we are not actually dating there is no reason he can’t pursue other people (though of course I might be jealous, a thought which he actually rather likes) or if he changes his mind there is nothing wrong, but for now he is remaining steadfast, though of course I know that can change.

In a few weeks, when I have settled into my “new life”, I will probably feel ready to officially be monogamous again. Because the thought of being his and him being mine makes me happy. In fact, since meeting him, I haven’t actually had penetrative sex with anyone else. All I’ve shared with others has been kisses, so he has had an impact on my need for others and drive to find casual encounters. I just want to give myself every opportunity to have the best start to university life, allow myself to let go and enjoy myself, and I want to make sure I am 100% in. I don’t want to commit too early and actually wreck it by moving too fast. Plus, I actually don’t think he is fully over his ex. Let me clarify his ex of like a year. I know my own worth enough to not play second fiddle. If I pursue a monogmaous relationship, you better believe I’m number one or you lose your chance with me in an instant.

The thought of a long-distance relationship actually daunts me a bit. I am not the sort who I think will be great with it. I am someone who, when I like someone, like them enough to be monogamous, I never get bored of being with them. I just like being in their presence, in fact crave it once I start falling deep. So being long distance, and being a poor student who can’t afford all that much train fare, it is going to test me I think. Then again, I have never been in a long distance relationship, with both my previous relationships being in the same town or only a bus ride away, so I guess I can’t knock it until I try.

I guess my relationship status right now is the age-old cliché of: It’s Complicated.

2 thoughts on “I’m Back To Being Single, But By My Own Choice

  1. Hahaha I feel you! Eventually, I’d like to have a more open relationship with partners. But it doesn’t suit some people, and it’s not fair to push them. For lifestyle stuff like this it’s hard to reach a compromise, and I guess breakups happen for good reason even if you really like the person.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed, if you have to push someone, then they clearly are not happy with it, and that isn’t good for either party. I have been lucky though, in that this partner took everything really well and we are still friends to this day 🙂 I have also somehow found a couple of people in my time who understand the “open-ness” urge and do not judge for that, though at the same time, they aren’t people who I have had full-on relationship with, it was more of a “this needs no label” kind of thing. I guess as long as you know what you want, I’m someone will enter your life who is on that wavelength at some point 🙂


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